Boys and Body Bits

What is it with boys and their bits? You’d think their hands would be tired after playing on computer games all day but they still find the time to have a fiddle with their danglies. Yes – my four year old son has discovered the wonders of the winky. He’s been obsessed with it for a while. If he’s not pulling at it or talking to it, he’s flashing it to visitors, wiggling it to see if it’ll slap his stomach or rubbing it against the sofa, floor, bed, wall... It’s like a toy that he carries everywhere and grabs when he’s bored. He discovered the painful side of having a tiddler yesterday when he was sitting on the sofa in his underpants and Ava tried to pull herself up into a standing position...she almost used it as a climbing rope and he howled like wolf.

His tail isn’t the only body bit that captures his interest however. He’s also obsessed with nipples. He pokes his tiny little dots and says “beep beep” and finds it highly amusing when I’m getting dressed to jump up and try and slap a breast. He keeps asking me how many nipples the dog has and then he prods and counts them trying to prove me wrong (poor Fudge). He’s a definite booby boy. He’ll sit on the knees of women who come to the house and snuggle his face into their bosoms. I’ve caught him giving Dad a sly smile as he does it and I half expect Dad to whip him a high five. Perhaps I should teach him that copping a feel of your grandmother is an arrestable offence. And weird.

He’s asked me several times where my winky is. I told him it fell off because I played with it too much.  It hasn’t deterred him.  I’ve caught him sneaking a peek at me in the shower with a confused look on his face (and I’ve yelped in shock when he’s slapped me on the behind).  And it leaves me wondering when should I stop walking around my house naked and start locking the bathroom door? At the age of four I still see Owen as my baby and I’m not embarrassed to be in my birthday suit around him – he came out of me for goodness sake.  But should I stop being nude around my son? When does it become wrong? He’ll chat to me when I’m on the loo and brush his teeth when I’m in the bath. Dad does it too...there’s nowhere to hide in this house, and I’m not expecting to regain my privacy and dignity anytime soon with another child toddling about. I don’t want my kids to be embarrassed or ashamed of their bodies – but I don’t want them slapping my baps when the mood takes them either.

Dad walks around the house in his pants no matter who’s visiting us (“it’s my house I can take my clothes off if I want to” he grunts) and just about everyone we know has seen his tinky winky as he’s not averse to getting it out on special occasions...like our wedding reception. On one of the first family gatherings that he attended when we first started dating, he whipped his kit off, tucked his dongle between his legs to imitate a front bottom and did some pressups in the back garden. My Auntie's back garden. In front of most of the females in my family and my grandfather. On a typical day when Owen comes home from school, he won’t just remove his coat and shoes, the trousers are stripped off too and he’ll trot around the house come rain, snow or shine in just a t-shirt and underpants. No doubt when Ava learns how to undo buttons she’ll be whipping off her dresses and joining the bare boys in just her nappy.

So for now we’ll just carry on as we are – mostly in a state of undress (unless the boiler breaks), trying to keep little hands busy with actual toys and swatting away the odd tit slap. If there comes a day when the kids start to become embarrassed by the sight of their dad’s tighty whiteys or their mother’s wobbly bits then we might consider putting them away.  And if they ask any biology questions then of course we’ll tell them the truth...boys do become girls if they pull on their penis and girls turn to dust if they’re kissed.