How It All Began...

We met on the 19^th of September 2004 at 3am at a lock-in.  Dad (not my father – but the public face of my husband) tried to set me up with his friend. The friend wasn’t interested and the feeling was mutual. So Dad and I started to chat and in about ten minutes realised that we had so many things in common - we had a similar taste in music, we liked bands that no one else had heard of, we loved watching films, we were both fussy eaters yet we liked the same food and if we were ever to get married it would be whilst smashed in Las Vegas. Though we clicked instantly (and had our last first snog on the stairs) I wasn’t interested in having a relationship. So obviously within two weeks of meeting we became boyfriend and girlfriend and I was officially a rugby WAG.

On our first proper date we were driving to the cinema in his dark green BMW with white leather seats when I realised my flatmate had left me a voice message - so I played it on loudspeaker and turned the colour of a plum when she bellowed out "enjoy your date with your hunky chunky rugby player...hope you shaved your bush...don't want no danglies on his ganglies!" I dropped my supersize Cocoa Cola all over his super posh car and pulled the knob off his gearstick. Then when exiting the vehicle, I didn't see how close we were parked to a wall and banged my door off it. I'm surprised he ever wanted to see me again. I said sorry by giving him a bonk. On our second date, his car broke down and he walked the forty-five minute journey to where I lived in the hammering rain to meet me...and afterwards he had to walk back home because it never occurred to me that I should offer him a lift. I refused to let him stay over as I didn't want him to think I was easy!  For his birthday two weeks later I bought him a spud gun and nicked some potatoes from the bar I worked in. I also gave him some beer mats. I realised I loved him when we were lying on the sofa watching a DVD and he pushed me on the floor and told me that the crocodiles were going to get me.

Luckily he forgave me for my inconsideration and the destruction of his car and we moved to Wales after eight months of dating...and I soon realised that my chosen partner was an acquired character. He developed a habit of getting naked anywhere and in front of anyone (that habit has unfortunately never gone away). He’s peed out of a moving bus window and farted a rubber duck out of his arse. He does a great impression of Sloth from The Goonies and can fall asleep within ten seconds of his head hitting a pillow. He shaved his balls in front of our gay best friend, put his whole head in a chocolate fountain at a wedding and likes to call my Grandmother a GILF. To her face. She thinks it’s hilarious.

His sense of humour enthralled me (and still does). He always makes me laugh (when I'm not dying of embarrassment) and to this day he makes sure to tell me a joke every day. We got engaged in April 2006. I knew he was going to do it because he wore a suit to our local pub and his best mate’s shoes were shiny. The secret wasn’t well kept when his mate began to sing the wedding march in the car, people we knew randomly showed up at the place where we were due to eat and he downed four pints in four minutes. When he told me he’d ordered me a chocolate cake for dessert, without asking whether I wanted a dessert, I realised what he was going to do and told him I wanted ice cream instead (hehehe).

In January 2007 we acquired a tiny puppy – who became affectionately known as Fudgepacker Shitbag – or Fudge for short. On 1^st March 2007 (St David’s Day) we found out that I was pregnant, and seven months later we had our first bundle of joy, snot, sick and poop. When Owen was six months old we re-located back to England to be close to my large family under the assumption that we’d have countless willing babysitters so that we could continue with our rather substantial, young and carefree social lives. As if. We soon learned that life as we knew it was over and a new chapter had begun - one of being responsible adults and parents.

On October 3^rd 2009 we got married – whilst smashed – at The Little White Chapel in Las Vegas.

And following the birth of Ava in 2011, our party of five was complete and our story really began...