Mammy vs Daddy

Mammy vs Daddy.....

 

or

 

Primary Care Giver vs Children's Entertainer

The definition of "Mammy" in our house: Person who ensures that children are clean, appropriately dressed for the weather, eat food other than waffles, have everything they need for the day ahead, have homework completed, do physio exercises (that's another chapter...), do extra-curricular activities, learn how to do new skills such as potty training, have clothes that don't flap around their ankles, attend health appointments, have childcare when necessary, watch age-appropriate films, read, brush their teeth and go to bed at an appropriate time.

The definition of "Daddy" in our house: Person who puts up a bouncy castle in the dining room.......

...blows up a double air bed in the living room to do somersaults on and pitches tents in the house for indoor camping....

Daddy is the person who won't cook fish fingers as fish freak him out, refuses to clean little ears in case he breaks them, thinks its okay for his two year old to have tea and biscuits for breakfast and bought our five year old "Jaws" on DVD because he likes sharks.

Every morning Mammy can get both children fed, washed, dressed, teeth brushed and hair brushed, open all of the curtains in the house, make the bed, have a shower, wash hair, dry hair, straighten hair, apply body lotions, take off yesterday's makeup (naughty), apply todays makeup, brush teeth, make a cooked breakfast, feed the animals, make packed lunches, plan dinner, check Facebook, Twitter and have a game of Candy Crush...in the same amount of time it takes Daddy to have a poo. Mammy and children will be strapped into the car waiting to go while Daddy throws on some clothes and follows us out of the door. I don't understand how it can take a bald man who showers in the evenings and who pops chewing gum in his mouth so he doesn't have to brush his teeth, so long to get out of the house in the morning.

Daddy thinks he can multitask because he can wash the dishes whilst also minding the children. Mammy can read the news and talk on the phone whilst eating toast, changing a nappy and planning the working day.

Daddy thinks he's organised as he writes his work shifts on the kitchen calendar. Mammy has 6 lists inside every kitchen cupboard, 9 long memos in her phone, keeps a phone, paper and electronic diary, has 5 notebooks for different purposes, has planned the next 3 months of childcare and social gatherings, keeps a food diary, has spread sheets for bills and knows what the next 6 months of her salary will be spent on.

Daddy is the person who lets the kids bounce on the beds (and bounces with them). Mammy is the person who patches them up when they fall off.

Daddy may believe that he's the head of the household but Mammy is the neck and she turns the head whichever way it needs to go.

And although Mammy will huff and puff and nag Daddy to do this, do that, hurry up, slow down, sort this, build that, clean this, change that, Mammy envies Daddy more than he will know. Daddy seems so happily relaxed when he cruises along leaving mess and havoc in his wake, he doesn't care if he has egg on his face (literally...he usually has egg somewhere on his face), it doesn't phase him that the toilet hasn't been cleaned for a week or that Ava is snogging the dog. He gets to play football in the garden, doctors, pirates, Supermario and Mousetrap. Mammy is usually so physically and mentally exhausted and frazzled after a day of strict planning and organisation that she's too tired to play at the park and will allow the TV to babysit the kids while she puts her feet up for two minutes with Chat magazine to recharge. Mammy has the task of ensuring that the children grow up healthy with all of their teeth and as few diseases as possible. Daddy has the task of making memories.

To be fair to Daddy, he has learned a few things from Mammy and has his own little skills too. He can colour co-ordinate a little girl's outfit, make some delicious meals and buy wicked Christmas presents. He can pluck his own eyebrows and will clean the house without being left a list anymore (big achievement). When Mammy is having a panic attack because the floor hasn't been swept, Daddy will strip naked and dance Gangham Style to make her laugh. Mammy needs to take a leaf out of Daddy's book on occasion - throw away the diaries, forget about the dishes, stop watching the clock, breathe and throw some Weetabix around the kitchen - and remember that the children's memories won't be about whether they had their five portions of fruits and veg that day. And of course the Gremlins don't appreciate my efforts to ensure their health and comfort, or my efforts to teach them some independent living skills so that I don't have to run around after them until the end of days -

Owen: Mam, Ava wants a biscuit
Me: Could you get her a biscuit please?
Owen: Why?
Me: Because that's a nice big brother thing to do.
Owen: Awwwwwwww Mam I'm calling the police!