When the kids are away......

This post is more of a rant than my usual light-hearted daft ramblings. An acquaintance on Facebook wrote a comment about "these parents who dump their children on other people so that they can act like childish idiots". She said she would much rather have her daughter with her 24/7 than be so irresponsible. I deleted her immediately with a massive "how dare she??!!!!!"

I may be a Mam but I am not a robot. I adore my children to the end of the universe and back, but I also need to have time for me, time for my family, time for my friends and time for my marriage. Family and friends are regularly put on the backburner because the children come first, because I don't have childcare (or it would be unfair to ask for childcare again when I need childcare in order to work), because I have no money as Owen has grown another 6 inches and needs his wardrobe replacing, because Dad is working a 48 hour shift or because I'm so blooming tired. Dad and I can go for weeks without having a conversation that isn't an instruction or a child handover when he's on his way to work and I'm just finishing. So to judge me for "dumping" my kids on their grandparents from time to time so that I can remember who I was before I became "Mam" really boils my blood.

My children adore spending time with their grandparents. As I type, Owen is spending two weeks in Wales with the Welshies (the longest he's ever been there on his own by the way) and Ava is there with Dad for a short visit. I couldn't go because I have to work. Owen will spend 90% of his days in the park at the back of the house with his 12 year old cousin, he'll spend the other 10% of his time down the woods with Welsh Gransha, throwing stones in the river and making up stories about fairies and dragons on their matching mobility scooters. He'll come back home with colour in his cheeks, an increase in confidence from his days spent socialising - something he doesn't get to do at home because we live on a main road and our neighbours are elderly - and he'll have a hundred stories to tell. Ava will run around Welsh Nanny's ankles and stick her face in the Jaffa Cakes every two minutes. When not on holiday in Wales, they stay at English Grandparents' house overnight about once every three weeks so that Mam and Dad can blow off some steam, catch up with friends, have a date at the cinema, fall down drunk somewhere or sleep. With English Granny and Grandad, the kids will feed the ducks in the park, have trips to museums and go to the beach.

 

And their grandparents love spending time with them too when the Gremlins are not weeing in their slippers, pulling off their letterbox, picking the flowers in the garden, drawing in the interior of their cars, smearing moisturiser on their walls and eating them out of house and home. The Gremlins get to have fun times without being nagged about healthy eating and bedtimes. It helps them to increase their independence, confidence and social skills not to be attached to their parents' apron strings until they gain full-time employment. The grandparents get to have childish fun then hand the kids back when they're worn out (the grandparents - not the kids). And Mam and Dad get to strawpedo a bottle of wine and have a conversation that doesn't involve nappies. Everyone benefits.

95% of the time my children wake up with me in the morning, I bathe and put them to bed every night and they get three full days per week with me as I work four days. I may have a thousand things to do each day and I don't enjoy playing Mousetrap, but I'm there when they need me and I'm probably there when they wish I wasn't (like when Owen is feeding raisins to the fish or Ava is playing with the toilet water).

So as long as my children are safe, secure, happy and well cared for, I can only see the benefits in having a well-earned night out now and again. I feel sorry for those who don't have the benefit of caring grandparents like we do.

And if I want to have a Tia Maria or ten and attempt some fire eating (done), Irish jigs (done), dance with drag queens (done ten times), go to a strip club (done with my husband), fall on my backside in the rain (done last week) or pole dance at a hen party, then I bloody well will.