Its a Birl!

Gender......how do boys know that they're boys and girls know that they're girls?

 

In my social circle, masculinity is determined by the size of your toolbox (this is not a euphemism), the ability to change a plug, the ability to change a tyre, the ability to assemble flat pack furniture, driving in too low a gear so the engine roars at pedestrians and being able to flame-grill meat on a barbecue. Femininity is determined by how many shoes you own, a love of shopping, the ability to pluck eyebrows, exfoliation, moaning about the house being untidy and asking if you look okay twenty five times in ten minutes. That makes me the man in our house.

 

Do boys become masculine because we dress them in blue, buy them action figures, feel their muscles and tell them to "man up" when they fall down? Do girls become feminine because we put them in pretty dresses and frills, buy them little kitchens, put their hair in pigtails and tell their brothers to take care of them? Walk into any branch of Smyths and there'll be a candyfloss pink aisle packed to the ceiling with Tiny Tears, prams, doll houses, My Little Pony, plastic irons and hoovers, Bratz, Hello Kitty, teddy bears with changeable outfits, Fashion Wheel and Dreamphone - everything for girls involves bagging a boyfriend, raising a baby, shopping, cleaning the house or snuggling an animal. The masculine dark blue aisle contains Batman, Spiderman, Ironman, Superman, (everything ends in "man"), Ben 10, Pirates, Lego, Transformers, Hotwheels, Turtles, dinosaurs and WWE - boys toys are about strong ambitious men, fast cars, fighting, building and engineering. Their animals are not cute and cuddly, they eat pizza, fight crime and live with a rat or they'll rip your head off.

 

So how would our children turn out if we dressed them in white, never styled their hair and allowed them to be drawn to their own toys instead of forcing domesticity or construction on them? We've never forced "boy" toys on Owen. He had a tea set as a toddler and enjoyed trampolining. At this moment in time he may be a bit confused about gender but that's not surprising when Mammy thinks its funny to do this....

Oh he's going to hate me when he's 18 isn't he?

 

Owen enjoys putting cream on his skin. He knows the words to every One Direction song. He loves women's handbags and has a habit of putting on his English Granny's red stilettos. He also likes to wear my black kneelength boots whilst washing the dishes (you think I'm joking!). His favourite toy is Princess Peach who sleeps in his bed at night. He's scared of anything that's too fast, too high or too loud and his three best friends are Lacey, Leni and Lexi. He stole all of Ava's Barbie dolls and enjoys watching Peppa Pig. At his school sports day he was photographed playing with his friend's hair....

...Apparently he came second in the sprints. I think he was probably chasing a butterfly. Dad reckons Owen has a plan and he's hanging out with girls and doing their hair because he's a player. I reckon I won't be getting any grandkids from this one.

 

Ava, on the other hand, likes dressing up as Supermario, playing with dinosaurs and rolling around on the grass. She only plays with her dolls when she's crashing their pushchair into the walls (or the dog), likes to launch herself off the staircase, does somersaults off the sofas and stands up when she wees. She turns to squiggling jelly when you try to cuddle her and last week when Owen sat on her she kicked him in the eye. He cried.

 

Owen is a very emotional child. He can cry on demand and has that moany whiny tone to his voice when he tells tales on his sister..."Maaaaaaaammmeeeeeee Aaaavvvvaaaaa hiiiiiiiiiiiiit meeeeeeeeee" and "Maaaaaaaaaaaameeeeeeee Aaaaaaavvvaaaaaa iiiiiiiiis touchiiiiiiing my dolllllllll". The whine is like nails down a black board and when you feel it coming it makes you suck in breath and clench your bum cheeks together. Whatever horror Ava's committed is lost in the agitation of the whiiiiiiine and  when he's told off for dragging each word out for at least five seconds, he spins on his heels, flicks his head and yells "ITS NOT FAIR" and suddenly he's thirteen.

 

Dad predicts that Ava will follow in her Daddy's footsteps and play rugby for her country and Owen will be her cheerleader. But I really don't care if Owen ends up as a cabaret dancer, presenting Supermarket Sweep with a better shoe collection than me. I don't care if he wants to redesign the interior of his Wendy House or play Dress Up with Baby Annabell. I don't care if Ava gets a short back and sides and works at Ikea. As long as they're both happy, one of them gives me grandchildren and one of them earns their first million by the age of twenty-two and pledges to keep me for the rest of my life.

 

Isn't that right.......Dad........????